Feeling the Pinch

Note: I am a huge believer in things happening for a reason. Within a couple of hours of publishing this post, I had a call from the manager of one of the other stores in the company I worked for previously. They had me in the store late this morning signing paperwork so that I can start work next week as a night filler. Casual hours and close to home. Good to see my little whinge had some effect!

I don't really know how to find the words for this post. I don't even really know what it's about. I have just completed mediation with regards to custody of Master A and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by everything.

I have been a wreck for the last week leading up to this day. Cranky, snappy and tense (a big thanks to Mr M for putting up with me!) I was not really sure what to expect and nervous that things wouldn't go to plan.

Things didn't really go to plan. 

But that's OK. I'm OK. It means that things are set now, and we have a plan of action. But then everything else slots in around it to make me tense. I have been searching for a job for around a month now. After countless job applications and emails stating "The quality of applicants were very high and unfortunately, you did not make the shortlist..." I am starting to feel the pinch, both emotionally and financially. My self esteem is being shot to pieces and my purse is feeling ever so light these days.

Mr M and I have decided to move in together in the new year. This will mean lots of posts on moving, organising and decorating (can you say excited?) of course though it also means that I will need to speed up my process of looking for work. My experience is limited, though not non-existent, however my availability is extremely limited, and making things so much harder.

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So, my mind is feeling a little mushy right now, all of these new dates and figures and responsibilities floating around in my head.

I have seven weeks left of Tafe on a Tuesday night. I have Master A staying overnight at his dad's once a month until January, then it becomes every second weekend. There is less than ten weeks to Christmas, and we start looking for a house to live in. I have to this time to try and find a job, and get back at an even point in my finances (and complete my Christmas shopping) and attempt to have some savings behind me for my car decides to eventually shit itself (excuse the language but my car has been a major source of financial strain these past few months!)

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I am hoping that I can push through all of this and come out on the other side, much better off. I only have to make it through the next 2 months...

Linking up with Twinkle in the Eye and With Some Grace

Slowing Down

I have always admired country towns. They have such a sense of character and community, and it always feels so different to living in the busy city.

Mr M and I took an overnight trip down to the Fleurieu Peninsula on the weekend to visit his family. I organised to leave Master A with my parents for the night (doing a little happy dance) packed up the car and started on the hour and a half drive down south.

Goolwa Beach

When I got there the first thing I noticed was the gorgeous beaches. Much rougher than the beaches where I live, they are surf beaches. Now I have seen Jaws way too many times to go jumping into waters like this, but it was fun and maybe a little romantic to walk along the shore hand in hand, my head on his shoulder... ok so it wasn't like that, but it certainly was nice.

The second thing I noticed when meeting Mr M's family for the first time, was how relaxed they all are. I start every day in full-on-mode. From the moment I wake til the moment I go to bed it is go, go, go.

"Need to make sure that this is done before dinner."

"Have to go to the shops and get this before they close."

"Make sure I don't forget to do this or the whole world might end."

When was the last time I just pottered around the house or garden, having a BBQ with family and friends, taking the dog for a stroll down the beach, just generally enjoying life and having fun?

I'll let you in on a little secret. Now, don't get too shocked, but I am a total stress head. I worry about everything, and I go through life at about 110km an hour. As I watched people go about their daily lives in such relaxed ways it made me realize how much I want that kind of lifestyle, for me and Master A.

It scares me just how much Master A is like me. He's clumsy, loves to talk and definitely has a sweet tooth, all just like his Mummy. One thing that I would rather he didn't inherit from me, would be my stressed out attitude. I want him to take the time to enjoy life, not rush through it like he has to race to the next finish line.

"Why are you rushing everywhere? The world isn't going to close!"

I could not remember where I read that quote if my life depended on it, but it was the very wise words of a child no older than about six. Why is it that we learn to grow up and spend our "down time" rushing around, trying to get everything finished? Why do we spend so much time at the shops, buying things?

One thing I noticed was that at 9pm on Saturday night, the only thing open in the town was one of the few service stations. All of the shops, service stations, Subway were all closed. Yet the McDonalds where I live is open 24 hours.

The people that I had the pleasure of spending the weekend with seemed to take the attitude of "work to live" rather than "live to work". It's all about the family.

The beautiful Horseshoe Bay

I guess my question is, when did we become such a busy and stressed society that can't even take the time to have a lazy breakfast with family on a Sunday morning, and how do I convert my behaviour, in order to save myself and my child from a life of stress, speed and demands?

When was the last time you had a mini-getaway?
Do you rush through life, or take the time to take "romantic" walks along the beach?

Linking up with the ever so fabulous Jess for IBOT

Sick Little Munchkins

I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed a few days ago, and came across an interesting post. It was a reader question from The Imperfect Mum. You can visit the Facebook page here.

The question basically outlined "sick child etiquette". The poster had asked whether it was acceptable for her to cancel on her friends at the last minute and not babysit their children if they were sick, as she didn't want the germs in her house.

As you can imagine, there was an array of responses, ranging from "you did exactly what I would do" to "I think you were a bit extreme in these circumstances" to the rather unhelpful "you're a terrible friend and a complete bitch".

So it got me thinking, when is it acceptable to ask your friends to catch up for a playdate, or babysit your children when they are sick?

My sick little Munchkin

I am a mother that likes my child home with me when he is sick. Especially if it's asthma-related. Most of the time, if Master A is sick, he won't even go to his dad's house for the day. If it's only a cold and a bit of a cough, he will go, otherwise he stays home with me.

What about playdates?

I will always disclose if Master is or has been sick in the last week, and allow the other parent to make the decision if they still want to attend the playdate with us. However, this is only if it's a cold, mild asthma or a bit of a teething fever. Anything along the lines of gastro, the flu, a more severe bout of asthma or tonsillitis and I cancel altogether. I don't want to spread our germs and make others sick.

Unfortunately I am not always offered the same courtesy. I can't even count the amount of times we have turned up for a playdate and found out that everyone in the house is sick. Of course I don't want to look rude by turning around and leaving, however I do wish that I was told before we got there.

This seems to be a very personal issue, with opinions varying from person to person. Some people would rather expose their children to illness in hopes of building their immune system, others saying simply that kids will get sick anywhere. Then some saying they try to keep out of contact with sick people to prevent their children getting sick.

Me? I make an informed decision at the time. How sick is the person? What is it they have? Is the illness overly contagious and also what are my plans like for the next week. Do we have a full week coming up that neither of us can afford to get sick? If so then better to be safe than sorry.

No I can't stop my child from getting sick, but I can help to prevent it, and that is what I will do.

What do you do when your child is sick?
Do you send them to daycare or take them on playdates?
Have you ever turned up to a playdate to find the other child sick?

Linking up with the lovely Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBOT

Guest Post: Household Contribution Schedule + Free Printable!

When there’s a job to do … there’s just a job to do!

If there is one life-lesson that I want to teach my kids before they leave my nest it is WORK ETHIC.

I want for them to experience the pride and satisfaction that comes with a job well done. I want for them to have the knowledge and belief that working hard brings pay offs – sometimes these are external rewards but much more often they are warm and fuzzy ones.

This all starts at home.

Work ethic is not always an easy principle for us, as parents, to teach and nor is it a given that kids will readily learn. We do have to try though, don’t we, and at our place organisation and persistence are key strategies.

I try to think of our household as a mini society. It’s a little world within the world and a place that can only function smoothly when each citizen aka family member fulfils their responsibilities. To do this, I have replaced the traditional “chore chart” with an outline of what each family member is expected to contribute to the running of the household. It’s then my hope that the kids will learn that the privileges they enjoy are not God-given rights, but rather the reward resulting from contributing to running of the family.

I’ve attached a sample chart – very similar to the one on display in our kitchen ;) – that shows how our schedule works. I’ve tried to make it very clear that contributing to the functioning of the household is a given and is expected by adults and kids alike.

In keeping it real, I’ll readily admit that we are on draft upteen-thousand of this and as the kids grow, and our household routines alter, I make tweaks and changes where necessary. Sometimes these changes are in consultation with the kids – but nope, not always. I figure they may as well learn now that there will always be times in their lives where they just have to do what they have to do. Whether they like it, or not, sometimes it’s just suck-it-up-time.

When nominating what I expect each child to contribute to the household, there are a number of factors I keep in mind ….

1. Age appropriateness – increasing the number and/or complexity of contributions as the kids grow and mature (and likewise the privileges are upped accordingly)
2. Geared towards success – never so many things to do it’s overwhelming, nor are tasks too difficult
3. Leading by example to ensure I also contribute what I’ve committed to
4. Discussing the expectations to make sure they are clearly communicated and understood
5. Honouring the privileges and rewards and consistently following through with consequences when contributions are not made.

Do your kids chip in and help around the house? Do you have a chore chart or have you just made them aware of what you require them to do? Would love to hear how your household works!

View my sample Household Schedule here.

Download your own Household Schedule here.

Author Note:

Shari Brewer is an educator, writer and the blogger at http://www.familysurvivalcoach.com . It’s a place for exploring a whole range of household and family stuff and topics include – budgeting, reviews, family stories, organisation and more.

Just remember that it’s really about surviving it all!

Linking up with Diary of a SAHM for IBOT

Lists, Lists and More Lists!

I have been talking lately about being a little time poor, and having awful not so good time management skills. Well, I have been tackling these issues the last few weeks, and I must say, so far I am pretty proud of my results.

The first thing I did, was start writing lists (oh lists how I love thee!)

I started with a list of what needs to be done on a daily and weekly basis. My daily list included things like meals, exercise, washing, and preparation for the next day. The weekly list included grocery shopping, changing the beds, housework, etc.

After that I mapped out Master A's schedule. He already wakes, naps, has dinner and goes to bed at the same time each day, I just needed to add in a time to make sure we are ready for the day by, and morning and afternoon teas (more info on Master A's food and meals to come in a later post).

I then did a list of Monday to Sunday and scheduled each job that needs to be done (including studying and blogging, which are my real issues right now) into a day. Friday is my housework day, Wednesday I need to do some reading for Tafe and some blogging, etc. I don't have set times for these. With Master A's age, it really is too difficult to schedule my time and jobs around him.

The last lists I made were morning, day and night routines. I have aimed for us to be dressed, ready to face the day by 8:30am. The morning routine tells me what needs to be done for that to happen. I should mention that as of next week, I will be getting up an hour earlier than Master A to get myself dressed, have a healthy breakfast and have his all ready to go for when he wakes.

The day routine consists of things like ensuring a load of washing goes on in the morning, going for a walk after Master A wakes from his nap, or after lunch and making sure dinner is prepared for the night.

The night routine is pretty straight forward. The only things I have changed is to add a quick tidy of Master A's room and unpacking his bag and repacking for the next day.

As you can see I typed these up in word and printed them out for convenience (and just coz they looked prettier!)

I am now trying to tackle my procrastination issues. Not so much of my day spent on Facebook or sitting around watching TV, which I have been so bad for since the renovations started in our kitchen.

I have a plan for the day in my motivation journal - more on this later this week and I make sure I make time for the fun things with Master A.

Do you have routines in your house?
If you are a work at home/study at home mum, how do you balance your time and still get time out?

And of course because it's Friday I am linking up for the first time in a few weeks with the gorgeous Grace over at With Some Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday...

... And also the beautiful Bree over at Twinkle in the Eye for Flash Blog Friday!

Father's Day for the Solo Parent

Father's day is coming up, which for lots of fathers means a hot breakfast in bed, accompanied by some kind of power tool gift, or perhaps just some socks and jocks. Mother's day can be very much the same (if we're lucky!) but with some kind of new kitchen appliance or a new pair of uggies.

Solo parents means all rules are thrown out when it comes to Mother's and Fathers days. If the other parent is still even around, you need to decide whether you will do gifts, and how much you will spend.

We are about to come up to the 12 month mark of when Master A's dad and I split up. We split about 2 weeks before his dad's birthday, so I was happy to buy a copy of the new Big Bang Theory season on DVD for him. For Christmas we exchanged small gifts and agreed to keep exchanging gifts "from Master A" for things like birthdays, Mothers and Fathers days and Christmas.

I wanted to keep this up, to teach Master A about the importance of giving, and that Mummy and Daddy can still be friendly and do the right thing.

My birthday came next, and my present was nowhere to be seen. It came about 4 weeks later. Yes, I was a little annoyed seeing as I did make an effort to ensure I did the right thing and on time!

My birthday present from Munchkin this year. 4 weeks late but an awesome present! How did he know?

Mother's day came around, and I got a card. Nothing more, nothing less. It was at this point that I told my ex I would no longer participate in gift-giving. If he wanted a gift from Master A, his mother could organise it, and I knew that my Mum would do the same thing for me.

My cards for Mother's Day, including a handmade one from Daycare. Love this boy so much!

Now that Father's day is only a few days away, I have decided that my original wish of teaching Master A the nice thing to do is more important. I have bought a card, gone through hell to get Master A to do a painting for him, and will be heading to JB Hifi tomorrow to get a small value gift card to give him.

I must say that the thought that I am going to look like the bigger person is making me feel a little better about it (yes I know, vein!) but I have come to the conclusion that one of us has to teach Munchkin the right thing to do. It's a small present that hasn't cost me much, and I'm sure he will get a much nicer gift from his girlfriend's child, but it sends the correct message to Master A, and that is the most important thing.

Its Friday so I'm linking up with Bree over at Twinkle in the Eye for Flash Blog Friday...

...And Grace over at With Some Grace for Flash Yo Blog Friday!




Head on over to both and check out some awesome bloggers!

The Dreaded Toddler Years

My boy at a happier moment!

Master A turns 2 next month. I'm having mixed emotions with that, torn between being proud of my big boy growing up, and sad that I'm losing my baby. Something that comes along with the toddler years?

The terrible 2s.

Unfortunately, we have already entered this phase, and I am already tearing my hair out over it! Master A started hitting a couple of months ago, and I was silly enough to think that he had grown out of it. Now that I'm older and wiser, I think he was just holding off to unleash it with the rest of the tantrum and sooking.

Ugh the sooking! You know the noise I mean. The real high pitched whine when you aren't doing what he actually wants you to be doing. Like pouring him breakfast instead of putting on his favorite TV show.

Mummy trying to calm the monster with some Hi5

The tantrums come along when I stop him from doing something. "No Kiddo, you CAN'T smack your toys on the wall". The tantrums seem so much more extreme now too! We have toys launched, stomping, limp bodies, screaming and tears, and lately Master A's started hitting himself in the head. All this because he's not allowed to pull the plates and bowls out of the cupboard.

Being that we have major renovations going on at home, he's been bored and put out of his comfort zone (as we all have) so the tantrums and whining have been much more frequent. Some days I swear all I hear is high pitched noises and toys being thrown on the floor!

Gone are the days when he used to listen and do what he was told. Taking him out in public is just not an option anymore. If I do take him out, he is strapped into his pram, and I use all manner of bribery to keep him quiet! I envy my friends with children the same age who are able to walk their toddler quietly into the shops and have them stand by their side the whole trip! It just seems so unfair!

Do you have a child who went through the terrible 2s?
How did you keep your sanity?

It's Tuesday so I'm linking up with Jess at Diary of a SAHM for IBOT!

10 Things to do at the Park

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It's no secret that kids love to go to the park or playground. Master A gets giddy every time we drive past a playground, so you can imagine his excitement when we actually pull up and get out of the car!

I am not such a fan of the park. I can usually put up with it for around 15 to 20 minutes before I start getting bored. This, of course is certainly not enough time for Master A to run off the endless amount of energy he seems to have.

I have put together a list of 10 things to do at the park, aside from simply playing on the playground. Some of these require you to take things along, like bikes or balls, others are easy enough to do without anything. Check out the list and try some of these things with your children next time you take them to the park!

1. Take a footy or soccer ball to kick around
2. Take bubbles - bonus being that there's no mess to clean up afterwards (seriously can't just be my child that makes a mess with bubbles!)
3. Play chasey, or hide and seek (provided it's safe to do so at your chosen park)
4. If there is a double slide, have races down the slide
5. Take morning tea or lunch down and have a picnic
6. Take some chalk and play some good old-fashioned Hopscotch!
7. If you have older children, try them with a game of handball
8. Have a treasure hunt! You could bring some toys of your own to hide, like dinosaurs or animals, or use nature and collect sticks, leaves, flowers, etc
9. Bring along their bike, scooter or ride on car. Make an obstacle course out of the play equipment, going around it and weaving in and out. If you live within walking or riding distance, ride bikes to the park.
10. Do some bird watching. Or more so, listening. Can you tell what type of bird is singing? Can you tell what tree it's coming from? Can you see it?

What do you like to do at the park?

Can you think of anything else to add to the list?

Flashing my blog over at Twinkle in the Eye

What Makes a Good Mother?

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What makes a woman a good mother? Is it the mother that stays at home with her children, or goes back to work to earn money to pay for the best schooling? The mother that spends her days playing with her children, or cooking and cleaning so that they have healthy things to eat and a clean house to play in? What about the mother that practices "helicopter parenting" or the mother that stands back and lets children find out what happens by themselves?

There are so many different ways to parent. Every person is different. I've talked before about women who appear to have motherhood simply come natural to them. Is that what makes a good mother? Is it the love in your child's eyes when they look at you? Or is it simply having the best cakes at the kindergarten open day?

The truth is there really is no way to define what makes a good mother. We all just do the best we can with what we have. I love my child, feed him, put him in warm clothes, play with him, cuddle him, provide him with toys and take him out to experience the world (or the community anyway!)

On the other hand I tell my child off, lose my temper with him, sleep trained him, put him in daycare 1 day per week when I don't actually work. I tell him to "just wait a minute, Mummy's a bit busy right now", I stay at home rather than taking him out to enjoy the sunshine when I'm having a bad day. I put him in front of the TV when I need a bit of peace or quiet, or when I simply can't take any more.

Do any of these things make me a bad mother, or just a normal mother? Do the bad things cancel out the good, and just make me a "mother"?

Does the fact that I want to go back to work, so that I can financially afford to move Master A and myself out of my parents house and set ourselves up on our own, rather than stay at home with him make me a bad mother? What about being a single mother, does that make me any less of a good mother?

The truth is I will never really know whether these things make me a good or bad mother. Some things are good-mother-like things to do, such as playing, cuddling and telling your child you love them (I do all three), and some are not-so-good-mother-like things to do, such as losing your temper, putting Facebook before your child's wish for bubbles or turning on Elmo to get 5 minutes to yourself. I have also done all of these things. Hell, I'm only human and there is only so many tantrums and tears and dirty nappies one person can take before they lose it (especially at that time of the month!)

I am not one of those mothers where it comes natural to me. The sleep deprivation surprised me and hit me hard. The loss of my identity and time to myself has been a huge struggle. I'm torn between wanting to give up everything for my child, and wanting to find myself again, doing what makes me happy, and having a social life outside of my child. Sometimes I feel like this makes me a bad mother, though I know that really, this isn't the case.

So really, being a good mother is defined by you. What makes you a good mother to children? What do you do for your children that makes you the best mother for them? Forget about all the not-so-good, though totally human things you do, and think about the things that make you a great mum.

What do you define as a "good mother"?
What have you done lately that makes you feel like a good mum?

Linking up with With Some Grace for Flash Blog Friday!

Windows of Happiness: A Beautiful Life

Just a short little window of happiness today. As I sit and write this post my Munchkin is napping after a great trip to the park with friends, complete with a little morning tea picnic. It has made me realise just how beautiful our lives are. I have the opportunity to create a great life for me and my son.

As we were at the park I watched many families come and go, family bike rides with happy children and healthy snacks. This was their "family day". I love that I can do that with my son. Although it is only him and I now, one day I hope that we have family day with more of us. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to create these moments for us now though.

I work so hard to create balance and routine in our lives to make it easier to enjoy those moments. And today I feel like it is all paying off.

What is making you happy this week?
Have you linked up with Fi at My Mummy Daze for Windows of Happiness?

The Not-too-Strict Parenting Plan

You all know how much I love goal-setting. I have worked out my personal 6 month and 12 month goals. One area of my life that has fallen a little behind is my parenting. So I thought that if I set a few small goals I may be able to change that, and just maybe, I could become Supermum! OK, so maybe not, but still, any positive change is good for my little Munchkin. And you can never stop learning things as a parent.

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My first goal is spending more time doing fun things at home with Master A. Not getting distracted by the computer, housework, TV, or anything else. It's time to pull out the blocks and the train set and start playing!

My second goal is to get Master A's food under control. There is a reason why going to the Grandparents house is such a treat. Because they have all the treats. The cupboards are stuffed full of biscuits and lollies for when the grand kids come over. The problem is, when you live with the Grandparents, and Grandad has a problem with saying "no", this makes for meal time dramas! No more continuous snacking throughout the day and refusing to eat meals for this little Munchkin!

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My third goal is to socialise Master A more. He is in day care once a week, I am looking to start Kindergym this term as well. We do have plenty of play dates however I want something a little more structured. Weekly fun scheduled in the diary.

I do have my fingers crossed that these goals will turn me into Supermum, and Master A will look at me with those adoring eyes usually reserved for when he hurts himself. That medal I mentioned earlier this week would be a welcome surprise (I have even practiced my acceptance speech!)

I will, however simply accept having an even stronger bond with my Munchkin. What more could I really ask for?

Do you have a "parenting plan"?
What would you say in your best mum medal acceptance speech?

Linking up with With Some Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday

Just a Stay at Home Mum

I met a man the other day. Now don't get too excited guys, I was totally unimpressed by his "charm". We were in the middle of a 'getting to know you' conversation, when he asked what I do with my days, and for fun. I had already told him that I don't work, and I am about to start studying, so I proceeded to tell him how my days are filled with entertaining my 21 month old. This includes trips to the playground, play cafes, afternoons on the floor playing with the cars and trains, you know, everything us Mums do to spend time with and keep our kids happy.

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The response I got completely took me by surprise. "I wish my life was that easy, and all I had to do was go to playgrounds and play with cars and trains all day". OK Chrissie, breathe. This is a man with no children, he must not realise that there is actually a lot more to our days than simply playing. 


At this point I had no interest in getting to know this man any further, so rattled off a few of the not so pleasant things that we Mums deal with daily. You know; tantrums, tears, snotty noses, constant demand for attention and entertainment, and forever cleaning up after a tornado. These are all things we Mums do daily, without complaint (most of the time). Again, the response surprised me. "Oh I know all about that. I babysit my sisters kids sometimes". 

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OK, so I give him brownie points for trying to make it sound like he understands, but seriously, not the same. When you give them back after a couple of hours, you really can't understand what its like to play Mummy 24/7. 

So my question is, did I overreact? I wasn't rude, as such. However shortly after that conversation ended I walked away. I feel that although I am "just a stay at home Mum", as some people put it, we still work hard. We have a house to look after, kids to look after, ourselves and usually other adults to look after. I love my Munchkin more than anything in the world, and take all the hard stuff with the good. I am not saying that I want a medal (although that would be kinda nice!) but a little recognition that it's not such an easy job after all isn't too much to ask for, is it?

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Linking up with Twinkle in the Eye for Flash Blog Friday!

Battle of the Parents

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I really do envy the parents who, when they split up, they are able to come to a workable agreement on custody, child support and boundaries. I thought that my ex-partner and I had that sort of relationship when we separated. We had a plan, Master A would live with me, and stay with his dad every 2nd weekend.

Well, as we all know, things don't always go to plan. Especially when there are men involved!

Nine months down the track and we have done one round of mediation (Family Dispute Resolution) and we are about to head into our second... in separate rooms. What happened, you ask? The truth is I really have no idea. My ex seems to be very influenced by the 'other' women in his life. His mother, his girlfriend, friends. They are all very quick to tell him how unreasonable I am being, and how it is his right to have his son when he wants him.

Upon meeting with lawyers at Legal Aid last week, I was in fact informed of the following: the court does not take into account the rights of the mother or father, only the right of the child to have access to both parents.

I am all for that. Master A loves his dad, and I love that his dad wants a part in his life. There are some children out there who have never met their father, and that saddens me. They are missing out on so much. I am not, however, up for giving in whenever he wants to change something. I feel that what was discussed in our very heated mediation sessions is being completely ignored on his part.

After my ex moved for the 3rd time in 7 months, I stopped overnight visits until he finds somewhere he will stay and settle in. Some people may think that this is unfair, but I am simply trying to create a stable environment for my son. If Daddy is in a new house every few months, it starts to take it's toll on them after a while. After agreeing to this change, he has now started to kick up a huge fuss and actually threatened not to bring him home. He is still at his dads through the day, three days a fortnight, he only brings him home to sleep.

When the girlfriend came on the scene, I was concerned about the time Master A was getting one-on-one with dad. She has a child, and I was worried Munchkin would always have to share his Daddy (I will add that Master A was introduced to them right from the start, there was no buffer time to get used to the idea, which was his choice). We implemented a rule that one day a fortnight (the same day each time) it would be just Daddy-Munchkin day. I can not remember the last time that actually happened.

I am certainly not innocent in all of this either. Sometimes I can be a little spiteful. "Oh what was that? You want to have him on Thursdays instead of Tuesdays? Why should I bow down to your wishes? No, it can stay as it is." I am trying my absolute hardest to come out of that way of thinking, and be a little more cooperative. That said, it is a 2 way street. I don't want to be doing all the giving.

Parenting is supposed to be a partnership. Even when you have separated. Anything less than that and you are simply hurting the child. Keep the adult conversations to the adults, and come to an agreement on what is best for the child, not yourselves. Unfortunately while I am trying to the right thing by my son, my ex thinks I am doing it just to piss him off. and so he resists.

I am at a stand still now. Neither of us want to budge. My ex thinks he's doing the thing by Master A, by saying "it is right for him to spend more time with his dad", although when I offered an extra day, it was not the time he wanted, so he said "no!"

I am feeling like the bad guy, and a bad Mum for keeping Master A from his dad. All I can hope is that it all gets sorted quickly, For Munchkin's sake.

The Ideal Life

I have started on my "big clean out", and while wading through many water damaged boxes in my parents garage, I came across one of my favorite organising books: It's all too much by Peter Walsh.

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It's all too much is a brilliant book about de-cluttering your home and life. Of course, once I found it, I had to start reading it again. Peter Walsh is an organisation expert, and when he is with clients he starts off their journey by asking them what their ideal life is, in every aspect. Their home, health, relationships, experiences, activities and career. I started to think about my ideal life, and what I want from it.

My living situation is a lot more permanent than I had planned when I moved back home with my parents 8 months ago. In my ideal life Master A and I are living in our own place. A unit with a little back yard would be perfect. My friends are extremely important to me so I would love to focus on my friendships. Spending time with them and entertaining at home, being that having a small child means I can't always go out.

I want to have the time to do something for me; yoga, scrap booking and exercise are all things that I would love to make the time to do. Having an organised and clutter-free house would give me the space and time to do so. I would be working part time in a job that I enjoyed and studying.

I know that it seems I am trying to have it all, but this is my ideal life!

So now that I have my ideal life in mind (it is a little more complex in my head, I just skimmed over it for you) I am getting set on clearing out the junk. Anything that doesn't fit in with my "ideal life" doesn't stay.

It has given me the chance to sit and really think about what it is that I actually want in my life. Even the simple things like hobbies and interests. Not only in terms of big goals.

Have you ever thought about your ideal life?
What kinds of hobbies/interests would you love to make time to do?

Linking up with Diary of a Stay at Home Mum for IBOT

Help! My Child's Beating Me Up!

Master A is coming to that time in his life where he is experimenting with his communication. I say "experimenting" in the nicest possible way, as my little scientist has begun to hit when he doesn't get his way. At almost 21 months old I thought that I had at least another 3 to 6 months before I had to worry about the terrible twos.


Boy was I wrong!


My Munchkin is generally pretty well behaved. He knows how to listen, and quite often will. However when that pair of scissors that he has moved the kitchen bin over to the counter to climb on just to reach, are taken out of his hands, watch out for that slap, because it is lethal!

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Going out the front door is another trigger. Mr Independent loves to race outside as fast as he can. Me? Not so keen on running after him, carrying Thomas the Tank Engine back packs, rain coats, car keys, and sometimes a lunch bag. So, like any other horrible mother would do, I insist on picking him up and carrying him to the car, you know, just so he doesn't run out on the road or anything. This usually results in a slap to the face.

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When it happens in public? So embarrassing. I copped a whopper in the mouth yesterday simply for taking him off the playground to eat his lunch. I saw a pair of rolled eyes and a raised eyebrow or 2 when I told him off for hitting Mummy.

So this poses my question, what is a mum to do when she is being beaten up by her own child?

I have tried every trick in the book when it comes to disciplining this painful new expression of Master A's dislike, and so far can not find anything that stops it! So I guess that I just keep trying and hope like hell that this is the worst he will get. Ha ha What do you think my chances are of that?

Did your child go through the "terrible twos"?
What did you do to keep your sanity?

One Peaceful Hour

I am one of those lucky mums out there whose toddler still takes an afternoon nap. Yes, I know, but don't hate me just cause you ain't me!

Nap time really is precious to me, and when I think that there is a chance that Master A may not take a nap for whatever reason, the tears well in my eyes and everything becomes blurry.

You see, I use that precious hour to do any variation of things, depending on my mood or to-do list that day. I may do some housework, write a blog post, catch up on some reading, have a nap, take a walk (if my dad is home to watch him), basically nap time is a little time for me to do something I want to do.

It can take me anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes to get Munchkin to sleep. Night time is great, I throw him in bed (not literally) and shut the door as fast as I can. During the day however, there are far too many distractions for this curious toddler so I park my butt on an ottoman next to his bed with a good book and ignore every attempt to get my attention.

This is not always easy. He can be very cute at times.

But usually after about 5 or so minutes he gives up and simply lays down until he falls asleep. Yes, I have trained him well.

After sneaking out of the bedroom and shutting the door, I do my happy dance and run through my list in my head, arguing with myself that the dishes should really be done, but I know I saw a new post by Sonia over at Life, Love and Hiccups when I scrolled through Facebook this morning and I really should read that too.

Somehow though, the hour seems over all too quickly, and it's back to Mummy time, which is of course, the best. But oh how I do love that hour nap time!

Good Night, Sleep Tight

Night time routines can make all the difference in a child's sleep habits. Master A's sleep habits have been up and down since we moved in with my parents.

From the age of 4 months until 12 months when we moved, Master A slept through the night. I had a bed time routine for him virtually since the day we brought him home from hospital. I had routines for everything. I tried to continue them as we moved, but we had a few issues.

In March, when he was 17 months old, I transitioned him from the cot to a single bed. He loved it and for the next week he slept right through, until he got sick and went into hospital. From then on we had problems. He would drink 2-3 bottles of milk a night and because I was exhausted, I just did it. I didn't know what else to do. Nothing about his bed time routine had changed. It was all still exactly the same.

When he was 19 months old we went cold turkey on the bottle. We've had our ups and downs, a few nights of sitting up by his bed for the entire night, I even hopped into bed with him one night because I was just too tired.

We have finally hit the jackpot though, and he is sleeping through the night again, even whilst he has been sick! So I thought I would share with you exactly what it is we do.

Dinner time in our house is at about 6pm. Bed time is at 7.00. Therefore, between 6 and 7 Master A eats dinner, has a shower, has a bit of play time and goes to bed. I try to keep this as strict as possible, so that he has the same routine every night. It isn't always possible though. Some nights dinner may take longer to prepare than others, or Master A may be eating slower than usual, meaning that there isn't really much time for play. I try to aim for at least 15 minutes of play time before bed.

At 7.00 I give Munchkin any medication he may need, such as his puffers, Panadol or teething gel if he's teething. We then say good night to Gran and Grandad and off we go to bed.

This routine has worked a treat, and I think that keeping up with it, even when we were having so many problems has been the right thing to do. The only difference was that he used to be put to bed with a bottle of milk.

I hope that those without a bed time routine (and I know there are so many out there, struggling to get their little ones into bed before 11) can see that it really doesn't need to be hard, or complicated. If your child isn't used to a routine, persistence is the key. Just keep going with it, and they will eventually learn that you are in charge, and this is what is happening next. Don't give up!

Do you have a bedtime routine for your Munchkins?
What time do you put your kiddies to bed?

Forgive but Don't Forget

I am someone that has a lot of bad habits. I bite my nails, procrastinate, can be fairly lazy, eat WAY too much junk, and get ultra cranky when I haven't had enough sleep. One of my my worst and probably most harmful habits though is holding on to things, mentally and emotionally, and not exercising forgiveness.I have trouble forgiving others, for certain things that they've done. But I have the most trouble forgiving myself.

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I am a huge believer in the saying "forgive, but don't forget". I just have trouble putting it in to action. Forgiveness is necessary, in order to stop yourself from feeling bitter. However I don't think that you should ever "forget". Otherwise how is the lesson learned?

Yesterday was a tough day, and an even worse night followed. Master A was clingy, demanding, and he wanted everything yesterday. Walking around with his fingers in his mouth were a dead give away that his teeth were bothering him, so before bed I gave him a dose of children's Nurofen and rubbed teething gel on his gums. Unfortunately this didn't do the trick, and within a few hours he was wide awake... for the rest of the night.

I like to think of myself as pretty patient, especially when it comes to my son. I use breathing techniques and my own 'happy place' when I feel my temper getting short. Last night, however, after trying to please him all day, I lost my temper at him. And when I saw the tears on his face my heart sunk. Immediately my thoughts turned to "Oh my god I am a terrible mum!" Of course I know that I am not. I love my son, I care for him, feed him, play with him, provide experiences for him, I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to always put him first. However when I woke this morning, after about 2 hours sleep and gave my munchkin a big cuddle, I felt a strong surge of guilt.

I wrote a while back about mums feeling as though parenting should just come naturally to them, and to be easier on ourselves. I am probably the worst culprit though. I need to learn to forgive myself for my mistakes. I need to forgive myself for losing my temper at my son in my tired state. I need to forgive myself for quitting tafe 5 years ago. I need to forgive myself for leaving my Munchkin's dad, and breaking up whatever semblance of a family we had, leaving him feeling terrible. I need to forgive myself for every decision that I have made, leading my life up to where I am now. But, I do not want to forget. I have grown so much in the last 3 years. It is only because of my experiences that I am here today, writing this post.

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Do you have trouble letting go and forgiving yourself?
What do you need to forgive yourself for?

The Best Mummy

Image Source: http://sayingimages.info/

I have been doing a lot of research lately on parenting toddlers. Dealing with tantrums, sleepless nights, fussy eating, and discipline. It’s not all that often that you see me without my nose in a parenting book. And it’s all so that I can be the best parent. I want to know exactly what to do when my son is sick, or whether I should be ignoring his tantrums or disciplining them. I worry that what I’m doing isn’t good enough.

Today I had a bit of an eye-opening experience. After pulling a cup of scalding hot coffee onto his face, Master A was screaming and terrified. We put him straight in a cold shower, pyjamas and all, and I watched with tears in my eyes as my frightened little boy tried to cling to me. As soon as he was out the shower he grabbed me with all his might and sobbed into my shoulder, with me reassuring him that “you’re ok, mummy’s here”. It was then that I realised that I AM doing the right thing. My son loves me more than anything in the world. He relies on me to be there for him, and I am. I will always be there to give him cuddles when he is upset. I will always kiss his boo-boo better. I will always teach him right from wrong, and I will always do what I think is right for him at the time.

I may not be an experienced mother. I am not a wealthy mother, who is able to buy whatever he wants. I lose my temper and I am forgetful. But I am the best mother for my little boy. I am the one he turns to when he is upset. When he is excited, he comes to give me a hug and do a little dance in front of me. I would die for my child, and I would never go back in time and do things any different.

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs any mother or father will have. But I do the best that I can with what I have. I only have myself to offer, but I know that’s enough for my son.

Somebody tell me that life gets easier. Please?

Image Source: http://thenextfamily.com



As I write this post, I am in the middle of one of the hardest days (and weeks) of my life. I have a toddler with an attitude, a sore foot from tripping on my sister’s stuff in the middle of night last night, and I can’t drive my car as the remote to unlock the doors is currently swirling around the washing machine, and because it is a front loader, the cycle takes approximately 2 – 2 and a half hours to complete, and once turned on, you can’t open the door. I’m at that point where it’s all become just a little too much and after setting the alarm off on my car trying to open the door with the key (hey it was worth a try!) I burst into tears and spent half an hour sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself.

Image Source: http://www.geeky-gadgets.com

I know that there are many people out there who are much worse off than I am, and I don’t deny that. However when you stressed and at breaking point, everything seems like a catastrophe and that is when I blurt out a few choice words, lose my temper at my child and whoever else gets in my line of fire. Oh what I would give right now for someone to please tell me that life gets easier! Tell me that my child won’t always throw tantrums when I take something off of him that he isn’t allowed to have. Tell me that he will start sleeping through the night again. Tell me that I will have the patience to just sit and play with him regularly. That I will begin shrug my shoulders and say “Oh well, these things happen” when things don’t go to plan. Tell me that I am not alone in going through these phases every now and then. Feeling like the world is against you, and everything that you do just seems to be wrong.

I am the sort of person that sees value in life throwing challenges at you. Life would be boring without them and I believe that these challenges are what shape me into the person that I am today. But I think that I speak for a whole lot of mothers when I say that most of us probably ask this question at least once during our time as a mother. Does it get easier? I would like to think that yes, it does. Even standing at the beginning of a long tunnel, and the light seems such a long way away, I would like to think that the light is still there.





Image Source: http://sweet2thesoul.blogspot.com.au

So as I sit on my couch, with my fingers crossed, I am just hoping that when the washing machine finally stops, the remote will still work. I know my chances are slim, but I have to hope. It’s the only thing moving me through my long tunnel. How do you get through your tunnel? How do you cope with life’s challenges, when they all seem to come at you at once?