What Makes a Good Mother?

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What makes a woman a good mother? Is it the mother that stays at home with her children, or goes back to work to earn money to pay for the best schooling? The mother that spends her days playing with her children, or cooking and cleaning so that they have healthy things to eat and a clean house to play in? What about the mother that practices "helicopter parenting" or the mother that stands back and lets children find out what happens by themselves?

There are so many different ways to parent. Every person is different. I've talked before about women who appear to have motherhood simply come natural to them. Is that what makes a good mother? Is it the love in your child's eyes when they look at you? Or is it simply having the best cakes at the kindergarten open day?

The truth is there really is no way to define what makes a good mother. We all just do the best we can with what we have. I love my child, feed him, put him in warm clothes, play with him, cuddle him, provide him with toys and take him out to experience the world (or the community anyway!)

On the other hand I tell my child off, lose my temper with him, sleep trained him, put him in daycare 1 day per week when I don't actually work. I tell him to "just wait a minute, Mummy's a bit busy right now", I stay at home rather than taking him out to enjoy the sunshine when I'm having a bad day. I put him in front of the TV when I need a bit of peace or quiet, or when I simply can't take any more.

Do any of these things make me a bad mother, or just a normal mother? Do the bad things cancel out the good, and just make me a "mother"?

Does the fact that I want to go back to work, so that I can financially afford to move Master A and myself out of my parents house and set ourselves up on our own, rather than stay at home with him make me a bad mother? What about being a single mother, does that make me any less of a good mother?

The truth is I will never really know whether these things make me a good or bad mother. Some things are good-mother-like things to do, such as playing, cuddling and telling your child you love them (I do all three), and some are not-so-good-mother-like things to do, such as losing your temper, putting Facebook before your child's wish for bubbles or turning on Elmo to get 5 minutes to yourself. I have also done all of these things. Hell, I'm only human and there is only so many tantrums and tears and dirty nappies one person can take before they lose it (especially at that time of the month!)

I am not one of those mothers where it comes natural to me. The sleep deprivation surprised me and hit me hard. The loss of my identity and time to myself has been a huge struggle. I'm torn between wanting to give up everything for my child, and wanting to find myself again, doing what makes me happy, and having a social life outside of my child. Sometimes I feel like this makes me a bad mother, though I know that really, this isn't the case.

So really, being a good mother is defined by you. What makes you a good mother to children? What do you do for your children that makes you the best mother for them? Forget about all the not-so-good, though totally human things you do, and think about the things that make you a great mum.

What do you define as a "good mother"?
What have you done lately that makes you feel like a good mum?

Linking up with With Some Grace for Flash Blog Friday!