Forgive but Don't Forget

I am someone that has a lot of bad habits. I bite my nails, procrastinate, can be fairly lazy, eat WAY too much junk, and get ultra cranky when I haven't had enough sleep. One of my my worst and probably most harmful habits though is holding on to things, mentally and emotionally, and not exercising forgiveness.I have trouble forgiving others, for certain things that they've done. But I have the most trouble forgiving myself.

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I am a huge believer in the saying "forgive, but don't forget". I just have trouble putting it in to action. Forgiveness is necessary, in order to stop yourself from feeling bitter. However I don't think that you should ever "forget". Otherwise how is the lesson learned?

Yesterday was a tough day, and an even worse night followed. Master A was clingy, demanding, and he wanted everything yesterday. Walking around with his fingers in his mouth were a dead give away that his teeth were bothering him, so before bed I gave him a dose of children's Nurofen and rubbed teething gel on his gums. Unfortunately this didn't do the trick, and within a few hours he was wide awake... for the rest of the night.

I like to think of myself as pretty patient, especially when it comes to my son. I use breathing techniques and my own 'happy place' when I feel my temper getting short. Last night, however, after trying to please him all day, I lost my temper at him. And when I saw the tears on his face my heart sunk. Immediately my thoughts turned to "Oh my god I am a terrible mum!" Of course I know that I am not. I love my son, I care for him, feed him, play with him, provide experiences for him, I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to always put him first. However when I woke this morning, after about 2 hours sleep and gave my munchkin a big cuddle, I felt a strong surge of guilt.

I wrote a while back about mums feeling as though parenting should just come naturally to them, and to be easier on ourselves. I am probably the worst culprit though. I need to learn to forgive myself for my mistakes. I need to forgive myself for losing my temper at my son in my tired state. I need to forgive myself for quitting tafe 5 years ago. I need to forgive myself for leaving my Munchkin's dad, and breaking up whatever semblance of a family we had, leaving him feeling terrible. I need to forgive myself for every decision that I have made, leading my life up to where I am now. But, I do not want to forget. I have grown so much in the last 3 years. It is only because of my experiences that I am here today, writing this post.

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Do you have trouble letting go and forgiving yourself?
What do you need to forgive yourself for?