When the Going Gets Tough

Being a single parent has its pros and cons. Pro: I only have 1 baby to clean up after. Con: dealing with custody issues.

When I separated from Master A's dad we agreed not to put any parenting plans or orders in place. Master A was to live with me and stay with his dad every 2nd weekend. In the 7 months since the split, I have been dealing with changes to the agreement almost weekly, arguments about his dad wanting to have him more, my concerns that his father is incompetent and doesn't provide a very stimulating experience for him when he visits, his father picking him up late and dropping him off early and the new issue that presented itself last week: his dad getting a new girlfriend.

In February I contacted the right people to get some kind of an agreement in place, and we have been to mediation sessions in an attempt to come up with a workable agreement on Master A's upbringing.

Now don't get me wrong, we do, for the most part, get along. It is only when anything regarding Master A is brought up that we fight like cats and dogs. I am just a little hesitant to keep going the way that things are, with his dad trying to change the plans on a regular basis to suit him.

In the last few weeks I have been dealing with a few emotional issues. I am trying to move on from something in my past and it is proving more difficult than I could ever have imagined. And a lot of this goes back to forgiving myself, and accepting the facts.

I have to say that in my emotional state, finding out about my exes new relationship via Facebook really sent me over the edge. Although I am extremely happy that he has moved on, it made me think about how alone I really am. I am slowly coming to terms with it, and I know that I am not alone.

Then there is the other aspect of it. Master A had already been introduced to this new woman, and the whole world was told about it before I could even think about the effects it would have on Master A, his relationship with his dad, and me. I have always made it clear that I want to meet anyone who would be a part of my sons life in that way, before they are made a part of his life. To not be given this chance, and also not to be told personally that this would be happening added to my emotional shut down.

After making it through last week, and then the weekend (with the help of my gorgeous friends) I finally broke down on Sunday night, tears and possibly what could be considered as a bit of an adult tanty, all in the comfort of my bed. It all became just too much and I couldn't hold it in any longer. I let it all out, and though it feels so much better to have done so, I can still not get everything off of my mind and I feel as though I have run a little on auto pilot this week.

I have debated whether to publish this post or not. I am a pretty personal person. But this is one of the reasons I have started blogging. To break through those barriers of keeping my life to myself. If I can help one person feel better about struggling to cope with custody issues or a past relationship from many years ago that they really have not moved on from, and to feel ok talking about it, then I am more than happy to share.

These are emotions that I struggle to come to terms with. I like to think of myself as strong. I am tough and I don't let myself get seen as vulnerable. And at the moment, I am vulnerable. And that's ok.

I would love to hear about your coping strategies when you feel as though everything is just too much. Please be honest, we are all friends here and I would love everyone to feel as though they can be comfortable with anything they are struggling to deal with. (Please note that any rude or abusive comments will be deleted immediately. This is a touchy subject and we all need to treat others with respect.)